Death
It is always hard loosing someone that you love to death. It is especially hard when you loose a parent. My friend messaged me the other day and she said that her mom passed away. She knew before it was official. She messaged me as the paramedics were working on her and she knew because she wasn't breathing. She wasn't breathing when they took her out. She knew before she got to the hospital. Sometimes you just know stuff. You know terrible stuff.
I knew too. I knew that terrible stuff when my brother passed away almost 4 years ago. I knew when he took his last breath in his room before me and my sister heard a scream that was a scream like no other. We had to pick the lock to get in and once we did he was lying on his side and not breathing. We knew he was gone and when the firemen couldn't get him breathing again and took him out we knew that was going to be the last time we saw him alive again. I knew exactly what my friend was going through. You feel helpless just standing there watching and praying for a miracle while they firemen push on their chests and push some more and nothing happens they are trying and you are praying. You are praying that by some miracle they are still alive. You want it to me like on TV when they push on the chests of the actors and then they whip out the oxygen masks and put them over their faces and push some more and by the time they arrive at the hospital and you arrive the doctor says they are alive.
But, that is not the case. You get to the hospital, praying all the way down there that they will be alive and they put you in a little room when you get there and the doctor comes out and you just know by the look on their face that you were right. Your worst nightmare came true. They are gone. You are in shock. You don't know whether to cry or scream. You stand there trying to be strong, trying to un hear the news you just heard. You feel like you are in a dream, a nightmare, that you are going to wake up from any minute. But, you are awake. You are standing there listening to the unthinkable and then you have to do the unthinkable. You have to make that phone call. The phone call where you tell the other family member the news. You are fighting back tears as you call. You are trying to be strong. You are saying in your mind you have to be strong because you are the strong one.
On the drive home you hold back tears and finally when you just can't hold them back anymore you cry and it feels like you will never stop crying. You scream and you cuss and you question if there is a God. But, it is not over. You still have to be strong. Nobody expects you to be strong but in your mind you have to.
You have to make arrangements. Arrangements you never thought you would have to make. You go through the process. And when all of it is over you fall apart. You finally can't be strong anymore.
I knew too. I knew that terrible stuff when my brother passed away almost 4 years ago. I knew when he took his last breath in his room before me and my sister heard a scream that was a scream like no other. We had to pick the lock to get in and once we did he was lying on his side and not breathing. We knew he was gone and when the firemen couldn't get him breathing again and took him out we knew that was going to be the last time we saw him alive again. I knew exactly what my friend was going through. You feel helpless just standing there watching and praying for a miracle while they firemen push on their chests and push some more and nothing happens they are trying and you are praying. You are praying that by some miracle they are still alive. You want it to me like on TV when they push on the chests of the actors and then they whip out the oxygen masks and put them over their faces and push some more and by the time they arrive at the hospital and you arrive the doctor says they are alive.
But, that is not the case. You get to the hospital, praying all the way down there that they will be alive and they put you in a little room when you get there and the doctor comes out and you just know by the look on their face that you were right. Your worst nightmare came true. They are gone. You are in shock. You don't know whether to cry or scream. You stand there trying to be strong, trying to un hear the news you just heard. You feel like you are in a dream, a nightmare, that you are going to wake up from any minute. But, you are awake. You are standing there listening to the unthinkable and then you have to do the unthinkable. You have to make that phone call. The phone call where you tell the other family member the news. You are fighting back tears as you call. You are trying to be strong. You are saying in your mind you have to be strong because you are the strong one.
On the drive home you hold back tears and finally when you just can't hold them back anymore you cry and it feels like you will never stop crying. You scream and you cuss and you question if there is a God. But, it is not over. You still have to be strong. Nobody expects you to be strong but in your mind you have to.
You have to make arrangements. Arrangements you never thought you would have to make. You go through the process. And when all of it is over you fall apart. You finally can't be strong anymore.
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