The Journey Of Finding Love

Last month I turned 56. I am blessed to still be here for over 50 years. So, oh about 10 yrs plus ago I joined a dating site after my break up from a long time boyfriend. It was good back then. I met some good people and I met my son's dad online. For the most part people were nice, cool, and I got along with most. But, most didn't stay in my life for too long. For the majority of them we met, talked, and had a couple of dates and that was it. And that was fine. Besides my son's dad I have kept in touch with one for 17 years and we are good friends. And I hear from a couple of others from time to time which is good. 

So, after I had Josh, I took a break from the sites to concentrate on him and after a few years I went back and recently I give it a little more attention as he has gotten older and a teenager now. Things have changed and not for the better for me. I am 56 with a 14 year old. The men in my age group the majority of them who have kids their kids are grown and many are even grandparents. Some of them are retired and have a lot of time to do whatever they want to do on any given day.  All the kids have left the nest and they are either working towards retirement or retired. So, when I tell them I have a job and a teenager who is no where near "raised" a good number of them can't handle that. They can't handle that I am not free to take a train to parts unknown, or hop on a plane at any given moment to go on an adventure. When I say I  am free at such and such of times some think I am secretly married or am hiding something and others just can't handle that I have responsibilities and have to handle them. Many have been blocked for unnecessary and hurtful comments and many I just don't deal with at all.

That leaves the men under 50. I was surprised that those men seem to understand where I am in my life with kids, aging parents, and other responsibilities. For the most part they get it. They don't bitch and complain when I say I have to plan things advance. I can't pack a bag on the spur of the moment and hop on anything, plane, train, boat, etc..They get it all. Perhaps they get it because they are younger and are dealing with kids that aren't grown up, they aren't retired and still working, they aren't grandparents yet and they have similar responsibilities. They usually understand my priorities and don't think that it is "strange" or that I am married secretly and am looking for a lover or something on the side. 

But, there also is a fine line with them too. They can't be terribly young. I know people say that age is only a number but sometimes that number is not the right number when it comes to love. Some people disagree but I know what old age looks like and I know that if they are too much younger they have a long way to get to where I am today, age wise. No matter how young you look and feel old age creeps up on everyone and sometimes it brings things that you never thought would happen in your wildest dreams and sometimes it brings things like strokes, dementia, adult diapers, broken hips, canes, walkers, along with the grey hair, wrinkles, and sagging skin. So, younger will have to deal with older going through it and going through it themselves one day. That's my reason younger can be younger but not too young. 

I don't know where this journey will lead me. I am hoping that life is just joyful and I do eventually find someone, younger, older, or somewhere in between, to share it with one day but it they don't happen to come along I am going to enjoy my journey nevertheless.