Never Too Old To Want Mom
My grandmother, Nana, passed away almost 14 years ago. I know that my mom doesn't remember that date anymore or the day and she remembers her only sometimes. But, every now and then when she gets into a particular mood which is a mood of massive confusion, more so then her normal state of confusion, she will tell me that where she lives is not her home and she needs to call her mom to pick her up. There is no use trying to tell her that her mom can't be called to pick her up and she can't talk to her on this earth anymore. I tried that once and that was a huge disaster. It took me 2 hours to calm her down. So, now I don't go there anymore with her. I just say now that her mother knows that she is here and will come and get her soon.
I guess no mater how old you are and how sick or forgetful you become over the years there is one person that you always remember and that is your mother. Sometimes you remember her like she was when you were a little kid and she came and kissed your skinned knees, made you eat your veggies, and made you do your homework, babysit your little sister and brother, and sometimes you remember her your are the mom and she is now the grandmother and she is spoiling the grand kids and you are watching and wondering how much candy does she give them when you aren't looking. Then sometimes you remember the last years of your mom's life, the pain, the promises, the good-byes. It all comes in waves of thoughts throughout the day or throughout the week. I think that my mom gets these waves of memories and than she misses her mom even though she can't remember that her mom is no longer here. She still misses her and at 80 something she wants to talk to her, she wants comfort from her, she wants to see her smile, her face, smell her channel number 5 perfume, look up and see her car pulling up in the driveway picking her up, she wants to help decorate the Christmas tree and smell the smells of the pies and food coming coming from the kitchen and drink the egg nog that has too much brandy in it. Even though she can't communicate this to me all the time if you look deep into her eyes you can tell. You just know that if she could wish her mom to be here just for a short minute she would. And I wish that too.
I guess no mater how old you are and how sick or forgetful you become over the years there is one person that you always remember and that is your mother. Sometimes you remember her like she was when you were a little kid and she came and kissed your skinned knees, made you eat your veggies, and made you do your homework, babysit your little sister and brother, and sometimes you remember her your are the mom and she is now the grandmother and she is spoiling the grand kids and you are watching and wondering how much candy does she give them when you aren't looking. Then sometimes you remember the last years of your mom's life, the pain, the promises, the good-byes. It all comes in waves of thoughts throughout the day or throughout the week. I think that my mom gets these waves of memories and than she misses her mom even though she can't remember that her mom is no longer here. She still misses her and at 80 something she wants to talk to her, she wants comfort from her, she wants to see her smile, her face, smell her channel number 5 perfume, look up and see her car pulling up in the driveway picking her up, she wants to help decorate the Christmas tree and smell the smells of the pies and food coming coming from the kitchen and drink the egg nog that has too much brandy in it. Even though she can't communicate this to me all the time if you look deep into her eyes you can tell. You just know that if she could wish her mom to be here just for a short minute she would. And I wish that too.
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