Bringing the Outside Inside
There are some days when I can't really get out of the house due to my mom's health issues and so some days all I can do is open the windows and pull back the curtains and let the sun and the air inside to ease the stuffiness of the room. Other days I can enjoy a short walk to the corner store or around the corner or a block away while my nephew or my sister sits with my mom. Those times I just get to think and be silent. I try to enjoy my time outside as much as I can. I miss the sunshine beating down on my face just warming it and my hands. I love the feel of the sun on my hands. I have always been an outside person. That is partly due to my parents. My dad loved the outdoors and was a gardener as was my grandmother and my great grandfather was also a farmer so I guess in is in my genes. And the fact that when my sister and I were growing up we played outside for a long time during the summers and shorter times during the school year but we were always out there walking, talking, exploring, and sometimes arguing like siblings do sometimes.
Since my mom's health has been not great especially these past couple of years and the stairs can be a bit much for her tackle on some days I am finding that I look forward to the great outdoors more and more. I miss having a real backyard just to go and sit in, or even a patio. I often think that if there was anything similar to a yard or a patio my mom would get outside more. She wouldn't have far to go and with a limited amount of steps she might do it. When I think about her sitting on a patio my mind races back to 8 years ago when for a short moment in time we were living in the house that she basically grew up in and I basically did too, my grandmother's house in the middle of the block that was painted bright yellow. I think of all the times that we sat in that backyard and celebrated birthdays, holidays, or just talked and laughed and the times when the swing set was there when my sister and I just swung and betting each other who can swing the highest before we jumped off into the green grass trying to avoid jumping on too many of the plumbs that had fallen from the plumb tree by the swings.
I think of the times my sister climbed up that plumb tree in search of the perfect plumbs while I was the look out so we wouldn't get in trouble or get caught in a tree that nobody was supposed to be climbing. But, of course we were kids and didn't always do what we were told. And when we got caught we would do what kids do and blame each other.
When I think back to those times I never thought back then we were making memories and that no more memories would be made in that house again after my grandmother died. I never really thought of her dying. I don't know why guess because she was so full of life and always on the go and always doing something. She only slowed down after she got sick. And then even though in her infinite wisdom as if she could see into the future she warned that after her death that certain people were going to make trouble and even though she would no longer be alive to see it she predicted everything that it became, a hot mess.
Sometimes when I look into my mom's eyes I can tell she misses being herself and misses just being her mother's daughter.
I always snap a few pictures when I am outside for the few minutes I am per day and it is like taking a little of the outside inside for my mom. One day I hope that I will no longer have to bring the outside inside and that she can be outside smelling the roses or just feeling the sunshine caressing her face again.
Since my mom's health has been not great especially these past couple of years and the stairs can be a bit much for her tackle on some days I am finding that I look forward to the great outdoors more and more. I miss having a real backyard just to go and sit in, or even a patio. I often think that if there was anything similar to a yard or a patio my mom would get outside more. She wouldn't have far to go and with a limited amount of steps she might do it. When I think about her sitting on a patio my mind races back to 8 years ago when for a short moment in time we were living in the house that she basically grew up in and I basically did too, my grandmother's house in the middle of the block that was painted bright yellow. I think of all the times that we sat in that backyard and celebrated birthdays, holidays, or just talked and laughed and the times when the swing set was there when my sister and I just swung and betting each other who can swing the highest before we jumped off into the green grass trying to avoid jumping on too many of the plumbs that had fallen from the plumb tree by the swings.
I think of the times my sister climbed up that plumb tree in search of the perfect plumbs while I was the look out so we wouldn't get in trouble or get caught in a tree that nobody was supposed to be climbing. But, of course we were kids and didn't always do what we were told. And when we got caught we would do what kids do and blame each other.
When I think back to those times I never thought back then we were making memories and that no more memories would be made in that house again after my grandmother died. I never really thought of her dying. I don't know why guess because she was so full of life and always on the go and always doing something. She only slowed down after she got sick. And then even though in her infinite wisdom as if she could see into the future she warned that after her death that certain people were going to make trouble and even though she would no longer be alive to see it she predicted everything that it became, a hot mess.
Sometimes when I look into my mom's eyes I can tell she misses being herself and misses just being her mother's daughter.
I always snap a few pictures when I am outside for the few minutes I am per day and it is like taking a little of the outside inside for my mom. One day I hope that I will no longer have to bring the outside inside and that she can be outside smelling the roses or just feeling the sunshine caressing her face again.
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