Silence
My son's father has this saying that he likes to say when talking about relationships. Any relationship but especially those dealing with the heart. He likes to say, "You are what you attract." He would tell his brother that all the time when his brother would complain about he can't find the "right" woman or he keeps attracting lying and cheating ones. His brother never read between the lines and got his meaning that he was telling him in not so many words that until he stopped lying and cheating that is the only kind of woman he would attract in his opinion.
So, I was thinking about those words when I started some online looking. I joined a couple of dating websites and didn't really have high expectations of meeting anyone who wasn't looking for a one night stand or friends with benefits as many of them call it now. So, I was really shocked when a few years ago I came across someone that wasn't about that. He was mature, meaning over 40, and had a solid job with one company for 25 years. He wanted to travel when he retired. So, when "G" told me all about himself over 8 months of talking on the phone, yes, 8 months before we actually met, I knew almost all you could know about a person you never met. We talked about everything from what kind of food we liked to what kind of soap we used to wash clothes. I knew he had a grandson whom he adored and would give his life for. He has a daughter who was a teen mom and he wasn't too thrilled about that but he accepted it and they got through it.
When we finally met on a hot summer day in July, we went for a quick lunch. I introduced him to my then 5 year old son and they got along great. I knew that they would. We continued to talk and talk and talk almost every night or text if we couldn't talk. I kept thinking this is nice. He is a good man and I liked that. He was always respectful, held doors open, always asked my opinion about his family and his daughter and when I needed to vent he always listened and never judged. It wasn't one of those too good to be true situations it was just a nice situation.
So, after over a year and a half of talking and hanging out from time to time it happened. Something I never expected. I woke up on a cool August day and I sent my usual good morning text to him and usually when he gets it no later then a few minutes he returned one that said, "Good morning darling." So, it was weird when I never got one back for hours. I said to myself well, maybe he went to work early, which happened sometimes. His schedule would change from time to time depending on who was scheduled to work that week. So, around lunch time that day I sent another one just saying hello and asking if he got my last text. I got no response all that day and into the evening. So, I was like okay. A couple of days after not hearing from him I called. The call went straight to voice mail. I left a brief message. At that point I thought that something might be wrong with him or a member of his family. Being that his brother had got killed a few months before. So, I waited thinking that he would at least return my call. Days passed and then weeks passed and so I finally got it. I finally got that he was not ever going to talk to me again and I would never know the reason or reasons why. I just had to accept that and move on.
So, as I was deleting his number out of my phone one day I kept thinking about what my son's father always says that you are what you attract and I was thinking what am I and why did I attract someone who was so caring and good in the beginning and then just dropped me like a hot potato the next for reasons only known to him? I consider myself a good caring person to say the least and I wouldn't just stop talking to someone after over a year without telling them something. So, I decided that I am still a good caring person and "G" well, he is still a good person but a good person that wanted to move on and maybe couldn't find the words to tell me so he was just silent. And that silence spoke volumes.
Since "G" I have talked to more people online mostly. Met a few off line but haven't made the right connection with anyone yet. I have learned a lot of things from "Mr. G" and I hope that he has learned from me. Life goes on. There will be another "G" and this time hopefully, there will be no silence.
So, I was thinking about those words when I started some online looking. I joined a couple of dating websites and didn't really have high expectations of meeting anyone who wasn't looking for a one night stand or friends with benefits as many of them call it now. So, I was really shocked when a few years ago I came across someone that wasn't about that. He was mature, meaning over 40, and had a solid job with one company for 25 years. He wanted to travel when he retired. So, when "G" told me all about himself over 8 months of talking on the phone, yes, 8 months before we actually met, I knew almost all you could know about a person you never met. We talked about everything from what kind of food we liked to what kind of soap we used to wash clothes. I knew he had a grandson whom he adored and would give his life for. He has a daughter who was a teen mom and he wasn't too thrilled about that but he accepted it and they got through it.
When we finally met on a hot summer day in July, we went for a quick lunch. I introduced him to my then 5 year old son and they got along great. I knew that they would. We continued to talk and talk and talk almost every night or text if we couldn't talk. I kept thinking this is nice. He is a good man and I liked that. He was always respectful, held doors open, always asked my opinion about his family and his daughter and when I needed to vent he always listened and never judged. It wasn't one of those too good to be true situations it was just a nice situation.
So, after over a year and a half of talking and hanging out from time to time it happened. Something I never expected. I woke up on a cool August day and I sent my usual good morning text to him and usually when he gets it no later then a few minutes he returned one that said, "Good morning darling." So, it was weird when I never got one back for hours. I said to myself well, maybe he went to work early, which happened sometimes. His schedule would change from time to time depending on who was scheduled to work that week. So, around lunch time that day I sent another one just saying hello and asking if he got my last text. I got no response all that day and into the evening. So, I was like okay. A couple of days after not hearing from him I called. The call went straight to voice mail. I left a brief message. At that point I thought that something might be wrong with him or a member of his family. Being that his brother had got killed a few months before. So, I waited thinking that he would at least return my call. Days passed and then weeks passed and so I finally got it. I finally got that he was not ever going to talk to me again and I would never know the reason or reasons why. I just had to accept that and move on.
So, as I was deleting his number out of my phone one day I kept thinking about what my son's father always says that you are what you attract and I was thinking what am I and why did I attract someone who was so caring and good in the beginning and then just dropped me like a hot potato the next for reasons only known to him? I consider myself a good caring person to say the least and I wouldn't just stop talking to someone after over a year without telling them something. So, I decided that I am still a good caring person and "G" well, he is still a good person but a good person that wanted to move on and maybe couldn't find the words to tell me so he was just silent. And that silence spoke volumes.
Since "G" I have talked to more people online mostly. Met a few off line but haven't made the right connection with anyone yet. I have learned a lot of things from "Mr. G" and I hope that he has learned from me. Life goes on. There will be another "G" and this time hopefully, there will be no silence.
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