Death Does Not Become Her
I hate death and what it does to people. It seems that 90% of the time when someone dies that person is at peace the one who died but the ones left on earth are not. There is always some kind of drama over the littlest things from what to dress the body in to what kind of lipstick they should be wearing for the viewing. It can turn into world war three in some families and mine was no different.
The first encounter I had with death was the death of my father when I was 11 years old. My sister was only 8 years old. I couldn't really understand it at the time when everyone was telling that you he would be okay and then a few months later he wasn't alright. We were planning a funeral. So, when my grandmother found a suit in her closet that she thought that my dad should wear for his final viewing I didn't understand why it was such a big deal. Such a big deal that his six sisters and three brothers had to fight over but in the end none of them had anything better for him to wear. And since my dad was only 37 when he died nobody was financially prepared for funeral costs everyone had to chip in. I know this because I was at the funeral sitting by my mom when the costs were laid out on a piece of paper in front of everyone. So, in the end he was cremated and in the end I don't know what happened to his ashes and neither does my mom at least that is what she has told me.
My friends aunt died a couple of weeks ago. This aunt was married to her moms brother. She hadn't seen this aunt in years not since her uncle passed away many years ago. This aunt my friend didn't like much because she said this aunt "looked down on you" for reasons she didn't know. But she never felt comfortable around her and when they had kids, her cousins, my friend rarely saw them. Sometimes she would see them on special occasions such as holidays but other then that years would go by and she would not see nor talk to them. At the funeral, which my friend went to basically to reconnect with her cousins, she found out that her family on that side was a hot mess. Her aunt had left what she had, which was only a condo, the stuff inside the condo, a small bank account and car to her granddaughter, her oldest granddaughter, nobody else. She had three or four grown sons and the youngest was hurt the most over his mom's will and wanted to go to court to contest it. Rumors started flying as to why the mom, his mom, left him nothing and everyone blamed everyone else.
I told my friend the best advice I could give would be for her cousin to save his money going to court. That happened to my mom after my grandmother died. My aunt thought she should have her house although, my aunt owned three houses already and was "Given" a house by my grandmother that I had lived in once upon a time. Nobody is clear how that happened but there was nothing to do about it. So, we spent 3 years in court while my aunt contested the living trust and she wanted the only thing of value my grandmother had her house which was left to my mom and nephew. (not quiet sure how that happened either) but there it was in the trust and there she was the all American story of greed. In the end the house was sold for little or nothing, what we got out of the house we lost in a storage locker, since moving out of the house left us essentially homeless with a few bucks in our pockets, that is a longer story, lol, so my aunt got nothing but a few pieces of furniture, her memories and we all got big lawyer bills, trustee bills, and more bills.
I don't know why the death of a person has to bring out the worst in the living. At least it does in my family. I swear that if anyone dies in my family and only has a penny to their name that someone will fight over that one penny thinking that since they were the third cousin twice removed that they and only them are entitled to that one penny, whoever died would have wanted them to have it they are sure.
My friend and I were talking about our parents and since our parents are all in their 70's with health issues we were having a general discussion. She is an only child with an only child. I on the other hand have one sister, who I can tell will be a problem when our mom passes into the next world, and my brother who will not be a problem. Plus my sister has 3 grown sons that will factor into the problem that I can see coming. I told my friend if I could just disappear when that time comes I would and let them fight it out. I don't want to be a part of any family feuds. I don't want the death of my mom to drive me and my sister apart instead of pulling us closer together. I don't want to be like my mom and her sister who haven't talked in 12 years since my grandmother passed. I want us to all get along. I think that it might be a pipe dream what I want because when my mom was in the hospital it was not good and I saw the future. Like looking into a crystal ball almost.
So, death doesn't become anyone in the land of the living...as far as I am concerned. At least not in my family.
The first encounter I had with death was the death of my father when I was 11 years old. My sister was only 8 years old. I couldn't really understand it at the time when everyone was telling that you he would be okay and then a few months later he wasn't alright. We were planning a funeral. So, when my grandmother found a suit in her closet that she thought that my dad should wear for his final viewing I didn't understand why it was such a big deal. Such a big deal that his six sisters and three brothers had to fight over but in the end none of them had anything better for him to wear. And since my dad was only 37 when he died nobody was financially prepared for funeral costs everyone had to chip in. I know this because I was at the funeral sitting by my mom when the costs were laid out on a piece of paper in front of everyone. So, in the end he was cremated and in the end I don't know what happened to his ashes and neither does my mom at least that is what she has told me.
My friends aunt died a couple of weeks ago. This aunt was married to her moms brother. She hadn't seen this aunt in years not since her uncle passed away many years ago. This aunt my friend didn't like much because she said this aunt "looked down on you" for reasons she didn't know. But she never felt comfortable around her and when they had kids, her cousins, my friend rarely saw them. Sometimes she would see them on special occasions such as holidays but other then that years would go by and she would not see nor talk to them. At the funeral, which my friend went to basically to reconnect with her cousins, she found out that her family on that side was a hot mess. Her aunt had left what she had, which was only a condo, the stuff inside the condo, a small bank account and car to her granddaughter, her oldest granddaughter, nobody else. She had three or four grown sons and the youngest was hurt the most over his mom's will and wanted to go to court to contest it. Rumors started flying as to why the mom, his mom, left him nothing and everyone blamed everyone else.
I told my friend the best advice I could give would be for her cousin to save his money going to court. That happened to my mom after my grandmother died. My aunt thought she should have her house although, my aunt owned three houses already and was "Given" a house by my grandmother that I had lived in once upon a time. Nobody is clear how that happened but there was nothing to do about it. So, we spent 3 years in court while my aunt contested the living trust and she wanted the only thing of value my grandmother had her house which was left to my mom and nephew. (not quiet sure how that happened either) but there it was in the trust and there she was the all American story of greed. In the end the house was sold for little or nothing, what we got out of the house we lost in a storage locker, since moving out of the house left us essentially homeless with a few bucks in our pockets, that is a longer story, lol, so my aunt got nothing but a few pieces of furniture, her memories and we all got big lawyer bills, trustee bills, and more bills.
I don't know why the death of a person has to bring out the worst in the living. At least it does in my family. I swear that if anyone dies in my family and only has a penny to their name that someone will fight over that one penny thinking that since they were the third cousin twice removed that they and only them are entitled to that one penny, whoever died would have wanted them to have it they are sure.
My friend and I were talking about our parents and since our parents are all in their 70's with health issues we were having a general discussion. She is an only child with an only child. I on the other hand have one sister, who I can tell will be a problem when our mom passes into the next world, and my brother who will not be a problem. Plus my sister has 3 grown sons that will factor into the problem that I can see coming. I told my friend if I could just disappear when that time comes I would and let them fight it out. I don't want to be a part of any family feuds. I don't want the death of my mom to drive me and my sister apart instead of pulling us closer together. I don't want to be like my mom and her sister who haven't talked in 12 years since my grandmother passed. I want us to all get along. I think that it might be a pipe dream what I want because when my mom was in the hospital it was not good and I saw the future. Like looking into a crystal ball almost.
So, death doesn't become anyone in the land of the living...as far as I am concerned. At least not in my family.
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