A Helping Hand or Two
I was talking to my uncle the other day and he was telling me or complaining about his girlfriend's sister moving in with them temporarily. I was just listening to him thinking back to when he had to move in with us back in the 80's. We were living in a small duplex at the time and even had to have a makeshift room for my brother when he was born. We had two bedrooms and one bath. The biggest room in the house was probably the living room and that was not saying much. But, there was a time when my uncle was between jobs and came to stay with us until he got hired on at the university through a friend. Ironically, he was with the same girlfriend at the time. My mom didn't complain she just let him sleep on the couch and he appreciated it and when he got hired on at the university a few months later he found a place and moved out.
So, flash forward to 30 years and today and he is the same situation to help someone. But, all I heard was how the woman was invading his space and taking up the whole living room with the big air mattress and how she has 40 medications to take which she leaves all over the table and how he had to push the couch back and how his friend can't come over and how he is not enjoying his retirement anymore. Then I was thinking that my uncle is not a "helper" he is more of a person who will take your help when he needs it but not necessarily going to break his neck helping unless he really and truly has to and even then it is only certain people and only a limited amount of help. So, this attitude of his does not surprise me at all. He likes to be home and have his space. We all like our little space in the house for the most part. I know I do and I know how it is not to have any private personal space. I have been on both sides of that coin. I have lived alone and I have slept on couches and chairs, in living rooms and dens. I do understand how he feels but I do understand that his mom raised him to help people when he could. That is the way we were all raised. My grandmother truly believed that if she could help you she did no matter if you were family or a friend or even a stranger.
So, when he was done with his venting fest. I told him that he is just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. It is his girlfriend's sister and she is not going to not tell her sister she can't stay there. I reminded him that his girlfriend is family oriented like he already knows and she has helped with his family too so that is about the size of that. Then he said well, she could have stayed with her friend who has a 4 bedroom house or one of her kids who was willing to give up her bedroom for her. I agreed with him she could but she didn't. I asked him when he was in between jobs and stayed with us did he have other options and he said no, he asked a couple of girlfriends but they weren't willing to take him in. I said well nobody should be in those shoes and just be thankful that you are now blessed enough to help someone else. He thought about it and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again and then said he had to head back home. I don't think he will complain to me too much anymore about helping others.
So, flash forward to 30 years and today and he is the same situation to help someone. But, all I heard was how the woman was invading his space and taking up the whole living room with the big air mattress and how she has 40 medications to take which she leaves all over the table and how he had to push the couch back and how his friend can't come over and how he is not enjoying his retirement anymore. Then I was thinking that my uncle is not a "helper" he is more of a person who will take your help when he needs it but not necessarily going to break his neck helping unless he really and truly has to and even then it is only certain people and only a limited amount of help. So, this attitude of his does not surprise me at all. He likes to be home and have his space. We all like our little space in the house for the most part. I know I do and I know how it is not to have any private personal space. I have been on both sides of that coin. I have lived alone and I have slept on couches and chairs, in living rooms and dens. I do understand how he feels but I do understand that his mom raised him to help people when he could. That is the way we were all raised. My grandmother truly believed that if she could help you she did no matter if you were family or a friend or even a stranger.
So, when he was done with his venting fest. I told him that he is just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. It is his girlfriend's sister and she is not going to not tell her sister she can't stay there. I reminded him that his girlfriend is family oriented like he already knows and she has helped with his family too so that is about the size of that. Then he said well, she could have stayed with her friend who has a 4 bedroom house or one of her kids who was willing to give up her bedroom for her. I agreed with him she could but she didn't. I asked him when he was in between jobs and stayed with us did he have other options and he said no, he asked a couple of girlfriends but they weren't willing to take him in. I said well nobody should be in those shoes and just be thankful that you are now blessed enough to help someone else. He thought about it and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again and then said he had to head back home. I don't think he will complain to me too much anymore about helping others.
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